When you’re in charge, how do you know what rights you should take away, and from whom? Here are a few questions to ask yourself when making such a decision:
1) How big is the minority?
The smaller the minority, the easier to strip them of their rights.
2) How influential is the minority?
The less influential the minority, the less people will care if you strip them of their rights.
3) How recently has the minority really been able to take advantage of the rights?
The less recently the minority has won its rights, the less outcry there will be when they lose them.
4) Do you feel lucky?
It’s almost unprecedented in American history for the government to take rights from a minority after they’ve been won. Better have your i’s dotted and your t’s crossed.
5) Is there a religious angle?
The more you can link the minority having rights to bad religious things, the more successfully you can remove those rights.
6) Is there some way you can make the minority seem dangerous to kids?
If the children are our future, and you can make it sound like minority rights that have nothing to do with children are actually dangerous to them, odds are good you can get rid of those rights.
7) Is there a financial angle?
Once you start throwing around numbers in the millions and billions, people have trouble keeping up with whatever you’re making up. Throw some random M’s and B’s out to make the minority sound vaguely expensive, and you can make it sound like rights removal will save money.
8) Is there a military angle?
The American military is one of the best there is. The more you can convince people that a minority right can easily distract some of the most focused people in the world, the more likely you can take away that right.
9) Are you indifferent to your legacy?
If so, you’re in luck! Since minority rights are almost never taken away, odds are the minority will get them back, and your legacy will be severely tarnished. But, if you don’t care about your legacy, full steam ahead! At this rate, you may be able to break Rules 1-8 and strip even more minorities of their rights! Your short term cup runneth over! The world is yours for the taking for a little while! It’s easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for your logic to make sense 20 years from now!
I hope this has been a helpful primer for the leader who wants to strip rights from minorities. It’s really not that hard, as long as you don’t care about decency, morality, or doing the right thing. And, since two wrongs make a right, as long as you keep your wrongs even, you can keep going forever!
Plaid Hyenas 